Sometimes — especially when you’re not that experienced — it’s hard to come to the realization that your main focus during sex should not be putting the guy at ease and making him feel like he did a good job Sexing You. I spent at least three years of my early twenties faking it regularly with the same guy. (Who, as it turned out, knew I was faking the whole time. Truly the basis of a mutually-trustworthy relationship, wouldn’t you say?)
Not only has porn has instilled a certain expectation that penetrative sex can usually make most women come (LOLOLOLOL), but even guys who aren’t necessarily silly enough to buy into that think there is a surefire recipe for female orgasm — like woman-on-top or oral sex beforehand. And sure, this works often! But sometimes it doesn’t. And sometimes, unfortunately, we fake it rather than spend more time and effort working for it. Why? It’s complicated but here’s one explanation: While The World tells women they should enjoy sex and have a lot of it, The World doesn’t tell women how to enjoy it. And until the conversation about sex shifts from what men like to what women like, a lot of women aren’t going to know how to ask for — and get — what they want in bed. And we’ll continue faking it. Here’s why:
1. Because single women have less of a chance at orgasm to begin with.Brand new research has discovered that women are half as likely to come during casual sex as they are in relationships (at a rate of about 40 versus 75 percent). So single women are more inclined to fake it — maybe because they don’t comfortable enough to ask their partner for what they want — and, outside of a committed relationship, guys are less inclined to call them out on it.
2. We’re conditioned to believe we should also have a happy ending. So sometimes it feels awkward if we don’t — for us, not just them. When there is a man on top of you who is three seconds away from coming, it feels weird to just lay there with a blank face, like you are reading a copy of Popular Mechanics pasted on the ceiling. You have a few choices. You can go with one of those super-pointed Have-You-Noticed-I’m-Not-Coming faces.
You can keep going with the flow like you’re into it but not necessarily coming.
Or, yes, you can fake it like Tara Reid’s boobies.
3. We’re tired and we just want it to be over. If it ain’t happening, nothing brings a surefire end to sex more than a mutual orgasm (even if one party fakes it). That way you don’t have to deal with the half-awake dude licking his palm and segueing into a post-coital fingerbanging session that feels as obligatory as the drama club diva’s rendition of “On My Own” in a high school talent show. No thank you.
4. We really, really like you and worry that asking for what we want will turn you off. Even though we know it’s not gonna happen this time, because we have a stomachache or we already bust a nut before we met you for dinner or we keep thinking about our eczema-riddled 7th grade science teacher or whatever the hell reason, we still want you to feel like a BMOC. But why!?! Why do we do this? There is no good explanation because we should be getting ours! Aghhhh!
5. If you’re a new suitor maybe it is positive conditioning since you did everything right. Let us on top? Check. Went down on us beforehand? Check. Last a long time? Great. Seemed genuinely interested in how many siblings we have or what college we went to when we were at dinner before we hit the sack? Great. Is this fair? No. But does it happen? Allllll the time, believe you me. I’ve got friends who still do this.
6. We’re drunk and feeling theatrical. Whiskeydick doesn’t only affect dudes: While any human who has ever had a glass of cabernet sauvignon knows that alcohol is an aphrodisiac, it also makes achieving orgasm more difficult. And, as a cruel biological joke, nothing makes a lady want to sexually Razzle Dazzle her partner quite like a few libations. If I have had enough to drink, I will fake an orgasm, pull a rabbit out of my vagina, and yell “WAS THIS YOUR CARD??” into his ear. Which is why my sex life positively shimmers with constant activity and success.
7. We faked it that other time. And now you think we come really easy. “Dude, all I had to do was whistle a few bars of ‘Camptown Races,’ and BAM, she just came.” No. See, this is when you have to stop. (Remember that episode of Sex and The City?)
What would happen if every woman on earth stopped faking?